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EUGENE, OR—The tension at a party hosted by area man Chad Kopp was reportedly increasing by the minute Friday as attendees continued to glance uneasily at an acoustic guitar leaning against the living room wall for the third straight hour.

FRANKLIN, WI—Weighing various options for how to proceed given the unexpectedness of the situation, local 33-year-old Trevor Clifford was reportedly at a complete loss as to what he should do Monday after suddenly finding himself in a good mood.

PHILADELPHIA—Affirming his distaste for larger social gatherings, local man Pete Trobeman told reporters last weekend he prefers evenings spent annoying a handful of close friends to irritating groups of strangers at parties.

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"Almost every night of the week we get a group of ladies like this who get a little bit disruptive and rowdy, but who are basically harmless, for the most part," bartender Mike Kuhn said.

"If I get complaints about them being noisy or obnoxious, I'll ask them nicely to settle down." "But I try not to be too hard on them, considering all the stress they've been through lately," Kuhn added. And when you're busy trying to balance a career and a hectic social life, it must be difficult to find time for yourself." CHICAGO—Although the account manager’s inhibitions had disappeared completely after he consumed his third beer, sources at a house party attended by staff members of Stratway Media confirmed this evening that their colleague Jeremy Norton was ...

ALBANY, NY—Second-guessing the purchase as she arrived at her friend’s birthday party Friday, area woman Kelly Hardin told reporters she hoped her humorous card featuring a shirtless hunk would be received by Amanda Riordan in the fun, lighthearted spirit with which it was intended.