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For example, as I found out the hard way, Filipinos don’t say “o” in place of “zero” in spoken English when it comes to long numbers (ex: if you read off “103” as “one oh three,” many Filipinos will have no clue what you’re talking about; you have to say “one three” or “one hundred and three”).

While most of the girls I’ve known send typo-filled English texts, I can understand them easily, and we can have conversations where I display my wit and wisdom. Attempting to woo them over a cup of coffee will be torturous because they won’t understand you say.

Why do you think the fertility rate is so high in this country? Not only are condoms here too small for the average white man (Filipinos being less endowed on average), wrapping it up is damn near required given the country’s laws. don’t have a child support extradition agreement—meaning if you knock a girl up, you can get off the hook by fleeing the country—I’m not fond of the idea of leaving my child to be raised in a Southeast Asian ghetto. The Philippines still values female modesty and chastity (at least in public), meaning that revealing outfits are a no-no for Filipino girls.

The Philippines is one of the few countries on Earth where abortion is illegal, thanks to the efforts of the Catholic Church, meaning a slip-up in the baby department means pain for you. The ones who wear them are girls who’ve spent some time outside the country and have absorbed some of the culture of wherever they went (read: they were riding the cock carousel until their labias turned blue).

This is probably less true in the more liberal parts of the country, though.