Another thing I think it helps to know is that there's either no such thing as "actual sex" at all, or all the kinds of sex we can engage in are "actual sex." In other words, something like fingering is a kind of sex, which is why we call it manual sex. There's nothing that makes that kind of sex more real or actual than any other, save that, in our unique experiences, we can find that one time we have any kind of sex feels more important, or that it has more meaning to us, while another time -- maybe with a different kind of sex, and sometimes even with the same kind -- it might feel less meaningful or valuable, or less like a big expression of our sexuality or sexual feelings.
I hear you doing an awesome job of articulating what kind of pace you don't want, I hear a lot of emotional maturity, and I hear how what's going on right now isn't working for you and doesn't feel like something you feel ready to manage.
We have a whole big article on slowing things down when they're moving too fast that I think is just the thing for you: Whoa, There! I won't write reruns of most of what's in there here, so do be sure and check that out.
And having issues making these choices, learning how to work all of this out is also something that's just about...well, making these choices, how it can be tricky at any age, and how it's always all the more tricky when we're just starting to learn how to make them.
This is something new for you in your life -- same might go for your boyfriend -- and like anything we just start experiencing, processing and learning, it's always tougher before we've had any or much practice.
And of course, not everyone keeps up with the -- relatively new, especially when you bear in mind the term "teenager" wasn't even invented until almost 1950!